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“Let's make it write!” |
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Are you saying what you mean to? | |
| Publication Type | What Is Written | What is Actually Said | What Client Thinks | Correction |
| Non-Profit Solicitation | Please put your donation in the envelope along with the person you are sponsoring. | Either a really big envelope is enclosed to stuff the person into, or else you had better be sponsoring a very tiny person! | “Boy, if the organization is that careless with its campaign brochure, what will it do with my money?” | Please put your donation, along with the name of the person you are sponsoring, in the enclosed envelope. |
| Bakery Advertisement | We only make our fruit pies with fresh, local berries and produce. | The bakery doesn't make chocolate pies or, for that matter, anything but fruit pies.” | “Gee, I wonder if the kitchen is as messy as the ad.” | We make our fruit pies with only fresh, local berries and produce. |
| Real Estate Listing | The lovely landscaping compliments the 1840’s farmhouse. | The pretty flowers and shrubs tell the farmhouse—whose owner is the years from 1840 through 1849—all sorts of flattering things. | “Hmmm, I wonder if the agency will be this careless with my contract....” | The lovely landscaping complements the 1840s farmhouse. |
| Up–Scale Antique Emporium | For sale: antique desk for lady with thick legs and large drawers. | The woman who purchases this antique will have ample thighs and over-sized pants. | “Is it worth checking out this store? It must be a bargain–basement place.” | For sale: antique lady's desk with thick legs and large drawers. |
| Private School Web Site | You have less worries knowing....your childs’ classroom has a low student–to–teacher ratio (3–to–1.) | The intent is clear, but..... | “Yikes! Am I going to pay hard–earned money for a school that doesn't know basic punctuation?” | You have fewer worries, knowing....your child’s classroom has a low student–to–teacher ratio (3–to–1). |
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